Privacy Policy: Malcom’s Substack

Welcome to Malcom’s Substack! While I take your privacy seriously, I also believe policies shouldn’t feel like reading a dishwasher manual. So here’s the deal, explained with a bit of flair:

1. Your Data Is Safe Here

I don’t sell, share, or trade your data for a bag of chips or anything else. Your email address is sacred, and I use it only for sending you newsletters. If a data breach ever happens, I’ll probably cry first, then fix it immediately.

2. What I Collect

When you sign up, I collect:

• Your Email Address: So I can send you brilliant insights, helpful advice, and the occasional dad joke.

• Your Name (Optional): If you give it to me. No pressure—I can still deliver value whether I call you "Subscriber #123" or "Alex the Great."

That’s it. No creepy tracking or "Hey, I noticed you like cat memes" pop-ups.

3. Cookies (The Digital Kind, Not Chocolate Chip)

Substack may use cookies to keep the site running smoothly. I personally prefer cookies that involve chocolate chips and a tall glass of milk, but the tech folks assure me these ones help your experience.

If you don’t like digital cookies, you can adjust your browser settings, but be warned: some features might get a little cranky.

4. Sharing Is Not Caring (Here)

Your data stays with me and the good folks at Substack, who host this newsletter. I don’t share your email with marketers, advertisers, or that one friend who sends way too many “funny” chain emails.

5. Unsubscribing: The Breakup Clause

If you ever feel like parting ways, there’s an unsubscribe button in every email. No guilt trips, no clingy follow-ups—just a clean break. (But I might still hope you come back one day.)

6. Analytics: A Peek at the Numbers

I may use analytics to understand what content you love most. Did you click on that article about MFP printers? Great! Did you skip the post about AI trends? Noted. It’s like reading the room, but with numbers, not awkward silences.

7. Updates to This Policy

If I ever change this privacy policy, I’ll let you know. I promise not to suddenly become the kind of person who says, “Your data belongs to me now.” Updates will always be in your best interest—and with a side of humor.

8. Questions? Let’s Chat

If you have questions about this policy, email me at chakery@substack.com. I’ll respond promptly.

Thank you for trusting me with your inbox and your attention. I’ll guard both like a dragon protects its treasure. 🐉🔥